I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
