dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
