Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
