Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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