Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
