i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
