; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
