I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
