You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
