nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
