I look better un-naked...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
