my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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