you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
