I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
