We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
