i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
