So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
