Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
