At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
