i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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