5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just invented taco cereal.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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