I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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