Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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