i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
