i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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