I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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