I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
