Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
