All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
