i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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