i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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