some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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