What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
