he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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