Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
