No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
