Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
