Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
