I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
