I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
zippers are such a cool invention
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
