I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
