The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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