i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't turn off my feet"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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