I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
