we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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