i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pop tarts are not kleenex
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
