How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
