How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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