i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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