Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
