WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
