It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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