So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
