Sry I called you an 8
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
