So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
